One of the reasons our messages are misinterpreted is because of a communication phenomenon called the metamessage. A metamessage is an unspoken, implied message we unknowingly deliver during interpersonal communication. The meaning of a metamessage is so large and powerful, that it eclipses the intention of the spoken message and creates unintended, misleading interpretations. Metamessages are like loose cannons and thoughtless in the true sense of the word--spoken "without thought." If we stop and think about what we're really saying, we'd be more thoughtful about our word choices and their multiple meanings.

Here is a small list of metamessage "watch words." These words contain larger connotations, which could backfire your intended message. If you want more control over the meaning of your message and a higher probability of successful outcomes, try substituting the Watch Words with Control Words.

POWERLESS WORDS to POWER WORDS

I can't… to I can…

No one wants to know what you can't do. You can always do something. Look for what you can do to help your prospects and customers. ("I can talk to my manager. I can call you back with that answer. I can fax this at 2.")

I'm only just the admin…to I am the admin…

"Only" and "just" imply low self-esteem and lack of empowerment. Feel better about what you do and who you are by using words that create more power in your esteem. "I AM THE SALES ASSISTANT!"

To be perfectly honest with you… Never call your honesty into question. If you have to talk about it, you make it an issue. This metamessage says, "Normally I lie, but just this once I'll tell you the truth." "To tell you the truth" falls into the same category as well. Just say what you have to say. "Frankly" is borderline. "Personally" is appropriate if you have a personal opinion to express.

I'll try…to I will…or I can

"I'll try," says, "Don't hold your breath. It's probably not going to happen." "Try" builds a safety net for you and failure in the eyes of the listener. It might also say, "You can't count on me…I'm a slacker, poor planner, overworked, never could get my act together." If you know you can't deliver, under promise and over deliver. Say, "I will be able to get this to you by tomorrow," but shoot for the time they asked. The new metamessage says, "I'm a team player and you can count on me."

That's a great idea but… to That's a great idea and…

The word "but" negates the preceding words so that all the listener pays attention to are the words following the word, "but." If you really want someone to register the meaning of the words preceding "but," use "and." It allows the two parts of the sentence to contain equal weight. "That's a great idea and here's something else to consider." This keeps the tension low and esteem intact.

At this point in time…to Now…

Here are five words that can be reduced to one. Wordiness implies lack of clarity, stalling, or insecurity. The sender may think it makes them appear "smart"or even more powerful, however wordiness has the opposite effect—it dilutes the power of the message and if overused, is boring.

It's only my opinion…to It's my opinion…

"Only" is a dead give-away for an opinion that shouldn't be considered because not even the sender thinks much about it. The sender may have been trying to appear humble, but in the end appears unprepared and uncertain. "It's my opinion" is strong and implies the courage of conviction.

Substitute power words for weak, unintended words to bring clarity and understanding to your interpersonal communication.

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